No Means NO

Here's an idea that I stole from another blog. Publishing funny correspondence. This just took place yesterday between me and a friend. He's up for a job that he sounds pretty interested in and we got on the subject of what would happen if I ever worked for him. He said that he would have at least a dozen harassments suits against him if we even worked in the same office, let alone if I reported to him (not sexual harassment suits though... just to clarify). We ended the conversation with him yelling at me, "You're FIRED". A little later I sent him an ad for a motorcycle. I want to buy one this winter and he's my motorcycle expert. The following is what happened from a simple query email. Anything that doesn't make sense is probably an inside joke... I apologize because we have tons of those. His responses are all bolded.

Terra wrote:

Hey, Bonnie sent me this ad. I thought it looked cool

1981 Yamaha 650 Maxim - $400
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: anon-50363436@craigslist.org
Date: 2004-11-27, 3:54PM PST

1981 Yamaha 650 Maxim, 12,500 miles. Good condition. Needs rear tire and
gas cap.
click below for photo

http://nobledesigns.com/photos/yamaha.jpg

Yeah, you should give the guy a call. Looks like it could be a good deal for only $400. But don't you think you should be saving your money concidering you just got FIRED?!


oh... like you did with the mustang? What's your dad's email address?

besides, I quit. No one wants a boss as stupid as you


Don't worry about what I do with my mustang, go ahead and tell my Dad. I'll fire him too. Working for me was the best thing to happen to you. No one else would give a chance to someone as lazy and incompetant as you! You should be thankfull I even hired you!!!


go ahead fire your dad! I hope he kicks you out you lousy ingrate!
The best thing I ever did was quit! You were lucky to have me work for you because no one else in their right mind would EVER put up with your constant beratement! Look I quit and you're STILL harassing me! Besides I am way overqualified to be working for you. Get your own damn coffee!

You know, I thought better of you. You're so lazy, you couldn't even make my coffee right! Put on your helmit and get a clue! And I'm not harrasing you. Your "NO" means "YES" just like all the others that got fired before you. You know you like it too!!!

Oh yeah, I like it sooooooo much that I'm about to call my lawyer. Perhaps you don't know the definition of "harassment" but I am sure he will set you straight in no time at all. As for your coffee not being made right... I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to add rat poison to it? Come to think of it arsenic is tasteless and a much preferred alternative... my mistake.

As to your helmet comment... sorry. The only one who owns a helmet between the two of us is YOU. Coincidence? I think not.

I love you too Terra. I know what NO means. But you're gonna have to wait till I'm off work. I still got a couple more people to fire. Then I could give you what you want. But you want to bring someone else into the picture? A lawyer? I don't know about that. I haven't tried that one yet. I trust your judgment so I guess we could give it a try. See you tonight?

oh and let me guess. Yes means yes too.

You sicko. It's no wonder all of the women at the bus stops hate you.

See you tonight? Have you forgotten about the restraining order?

I thought the restraining order was just to spice things up a bit, you know, make it a little risky. You didn't really mean that did you? Look, if you really want your job back, then you should just do as I told you in our last one on one meeting in the copyroom.

Oh you thought that was to "spice things up" huh? So I guess moving and not telling you where I live is another way of spicing things up too?

As for wanting my job back, if I've told you once I've told you a million times, I WILL NOT wear a CHEERLEADING outfit to work.

But you looked so cute in that out fit last time you wore it! As for not telling me where you live, thought it was to just play hide and seek cause you can't hide from me... I'm always there. Wanna play Boss and Secretary later? Come on, It'll be like old times. Like when you still worked here.

you know, I should've known something was wrong with you when you asked me what my grandma looked like at the interview.

Ok, let's play boss and secretary. You harass me and I get you fired.


If I recall, that's not how it went... You do a lousey job, you get Fired!
I want to relive the whole experience. It brought me such great pleasure!

NO. We'll play the same game with new rules. You tell me I'm a dumbass and I tell your manager. You say I'm ugly and need to wear a paper bag over my head, I tell human resources. You tell me I need to buy a comb, I get a lawyer. At which point you get fired.

The old rules of, you insult me and I throw dirt in your coffee while you plot to fire me, are over and done with. Unless you want to play a new game of disgruntled employee?

Ok, lets play. You know I love playing with you!

fine. I'll need to pick up a shotgun. I'll wear camouflage. You wear a suit and tie. Oh also try to run around and scream alot.

how does that spice things up for you?


Not funny. I thought we had something special. guess I was wrong. You hurt
me Terra. I guess the new intern will have to play with me.

how is that not special? We're role playing, there's some risk involved, I'm wearing an outfit, it's loud and exciting with the potential to get messy

Fine. If you would like me to put in even more effort into our games I'll buy all blanks and one real bullet. Sheesh

p.s.
the new intern's not as fun as me.

True, she may not be as fun, but she sure is cuter!
Aww, I'm sorry. You are special! Ok, let's play. Still friends? But theres one rule... Chuck gets to play too. We'll both dress the same, run around like crazed lunitics, but one of us has your cat Tommy in their jacket. Let's get real risky. Game on.

if you're running around screaming with a cat in your jacket you're going to get hurt stupid

Who's to say that I would be the one with a cat in the jacket. I'm not that stupid. Chuck's gonna be my human shield.

the minute I fire a blank Tommy's going to scratch the hell out of chuck, which means he'll be lying on the ground bleeding and screaming in pain and therefore useless to you as a decoy, human shield or diversion. I think you just want to see chuck with a cat in his jacket.


You know what? I gotta go so we'll finish this later. Love you too.