I'm BACK!

Did u miss me?

No?

Fuckers.

I've been on vacation at a new blog... Chronicles of Madness.

Check it out if you have been wondering what I was up to all this time, mischief, mayhem, blood and violence! You know, typical Terra week.

PS

Does anyone know how to combine these two blogs? Or have a preference for one of the templates? I dunno... one too many blogs.

Dear Olivia

This is for you... I's done gone and graduated misself... Tag. You're it.

Gone For A While

(what I see when everyone's talking)

I love this blog, because I talk too much and it gives me a place to vent, a screen that can't say, "Shut the fuck up already". Dear screen, you never roll your eyes impatiently, or tell me, "Get to the point already". You know I don't have a point. You know I enjoy the journey more than the destination, and during my rants you never interrupt with the phrase, "You're drunk aren't you?". You have a spell check button and a delete button. Things life should come equipped with.

But anyway... just dying for a subject change:

Be back soon.

One more thing... Ty's my new favorite blogger. If I laugh one more time at work I'm getting fired.

Catch me on his comments, in the dark alley behind my work... STALKER, or... I dunno. You have a phone, maybe you have my number. I have a yahoo ID, maybe you have messenger. But in any case...

I'm out.

Last Night I Dreamt

That something died and just when I was about to call the whole thing a loss I realized that something beautiful had survived... almost undetected. But I needed you to nurture it, you who I had given up on.

I dreamt that I went to the salon and asked the lady to put on acrylic nails... and just as she started to apply them I ran out, realizing that my imperfect nails were beautiful, and what was not was trying to cover them up. I ran out apologizing, I'm sorry, I realize that I'm good enough after all.

I dreamt that I was a vixen in black wearing thigh high stockings seducing someone who was really seducing me.

And I dreamt that you apologized and I didn't know what to say, because for once, I actually believed you.

X-Rated

I'm hardly ever X-Rated... I'm so PG-13 I just want to throw up Britney Spears for gods sake.

Anyway.

(Author mentally shakes head... internal voice over, "shake it off, shake it off")

There's this cutie at my work. Every time I see him I can't help but stare... and I'm positive that he's starting to notice. But I can't stop it. Everytime I see him I start imagining doing that slow crawl up the bed underneath the covers, you know the one with crucial skin contact, and then trapping his wrists near the headboard while I figure out exactly what he doesn't know that I can now teach him... hmm.

He makes me feel like a fox near a soft furry rabbit. Vicious.

So today I am in the parking lot and it starts pouring and out of the corner of my eye I see him running for cover. Wet. I stood in the rain for a while after that. Distracted. Wet.

Now my hair is fuzzy. Stupid fuckin hormones. Oh well, it was a nice interlude in an otherwise shitty day that I hope to end by blacking out.

(author now having fantasies about alcohol... hmmm, vodka bottle slowly walks towards me, "Hey... how about a threesome? You me and Redbull." Sexy)

................

"C'mon baby. You know you want me."

Today I Feel Like...

Drinking at work!

... oh who am I kidding? I'm sloshed.

If All My Friends Were Jumping Off a Bridge...

Would I jump too?

Probably.

But jumping bridges is pretty fun! My dad used to do it all the time. But then again one of his friends got hurt pretty bad when he jumped in feet first and his legs jack knifed causing his groin muscle to get pulled so he had to wear an A shaped brace between his legs. Everyone made fun of him and occasionally he would just tip over... face down. So to make him feel better my dad and his friends took him on a road trip that involved lots of beer and throwing the empty bottles out the back window at passing traffic. When they finally got to their destination some girls made out with Broken Groin Guy because they felt bad for him. So really he kinda came up. They also got drunk and attended a tent revival... getting up in the middle of it to start screaming, "He has been cured! It's a miracle!".

My dad was cool. This is why I've never jumped off a bridge or even been asked to... I'm not cool enough!

What was my point? Oh yeah:

So L said they found me through the "next blog" button. I thought, hey I should try that too. Guess what I found out? The majority of blogs out there suck ass. Seriously. Every one I saw I kept thinking, "BORING". I am so glad that I have the link list I do. You guys are rockstars. But then...

I hit the back button and began scrutinizing my own blog. Hmm. Here's what I concluded... It is very possible that I suck too. In which case you people are only reading me (lol that almost sounded dirty) out of pity. HURRAY for PITY!

HIP HIP HURRAY!

Ok, jokes aside, stay the hell away from the "next blog" button. I know, I know your eyes are now glued to it... your hand is hovering over the mouse... but for the love of all things holy, avoid the temptation!