100 Things You Probably Had No Interest In Knowing About Me

But this is my blog and so you are therefore my captive prisoner. MWAH HA HA! BTW, that's accompanied by an evil grin folks.

1. I once slammed on the brakes in my pick up truck and made my then boyfriend almost hit the windshield because he’d been yelling at me for forty minutes straight. Moral of the story: Don’t yell at me while I’m driving unless you want to peel your face off a sheet of glass… or you could just wear your seatbelt.

2. If we are hanging out and you point out something you want in a shop window I will remember and buy it for your birthday six months later when you have almost forgotten all about it.

3. I used to street race in downtown San Jose and have been in two police chases and a couple more car chases than that. I was the driver for only about half of them.

4. I used to want to be a mechanic.

5. I hate cottage cheese but have to eat it sometimes when I go on a diet. 70 percent of the time it makes me throw up. Yuck.

6. I can drink a lot. I mean a lot.

7. I won a drinking contest with a male friend of mine that weighs 260.

8. I never drank socially and so was always the designated driver at every party until I was 23. Now I’m hardly ever the designated driver, which seems fair for all the years I had to put up with my drunk ass friends drooling in my backseat while proclaiming to love everyone within five yards. Now I’m the drunk ass! HA! By the way… I might love you… if I’ve had a fifth of vodka.

9. I say I might not ever get married but I know that I will make an excellent wife.

10. I say that I might not ever want children but really I want at least three.

11. I don’t talk about the things I want the most in life because I don’t want to get hurt if I never get them.

12. When I really love someone I don’t express it because I am overcome by my emotions, which freaks me out so I suggest watching sports instead. Nice save.

13. My favorite sport to play is basketball.

14. I never joined the high school basketball team because all the girls were girly ass bitches who couldn’t play to save their lives, which weren’t worth that much anyway.

15. I am the first woman in my family to make it to this age without having been pregnant, married or engaged.

16. All of my friends’ parents love me. They view me as a good influence. Which tells you how bad my friends are.

17. Many men have described me as “feisty” within five minutes of meeting me.

18. The word “feisty” annoys me. Stupid men.

19. I once had Tracie pretend to be me and break up with someone over the phone. Very mature huh?

20. I told an old boss of mine that I would help him write his resignation letter… he wasn’t quitting.

21. I’ve been written up for sexual harassment. Seriously.

22. But the manager had to tear it up and apologize after a lawyer was called and the HR manager was flown in from out of state. Don’t mess with a kid just because they’re young… they may have parents whose best friends are lawyers. (incidentally I was written up for REPORTING sexual harassment, I was not the initiator or offending party)

23. I have nine brothers and sisters… figure that one out!

24. I hate liars. Literally hate them.

25. I have never met a celebrity.

26. I have never been to Vegas.

27. I never experimented with drugs.

28. I was never asked out on a date in High School.

29. When I was little I used to hide in the pantry trying to get Ms. Butterworth to talk.

30. When I was little my favorite show was “Dukes of Hazzard”.

31. My big joke in high school was that Canada didn’t really exist… it was just a government conspiracy. I was later proved wrong.

32. I sat next to a girl who was kidnapped in elementary. They never found her.

33. I’ve been suspended more than once for fighting.

34. I almost failed kindergarten because I didn’t know the alphabet.

35. In the fourth grade I was tested and placed in the 99th percentile and was at 10th grade reading level. Boy my mom made sure I caught up!

36. I want to be a policeman just so I can beat people up.

37. The police in Fremont used to know me by name because of the friends I had.

38. My mom gave up trying to make me wear dresses in Jr. High.

39. When I was very little I wanted to be an author. I thought I would write the great American novel. What a pipe dream!

40. My dreams sometimes come true.

41. Most major events in my life I dreamt about before they happened.

42. My mom was a better drag racer than I ever was. She raced for pinks and won.

43. My mom has always been a better brawler than I am.

44. We are both very cultured and polite and most people would be stunned to know half of the crazy things we have done.

45. My mom used to ride a chopper around Hayward when she was my age.

46. Now she’s very afraid when I say I’m buying a motorcycle.

47. When my sister was six months old I told her the story of Winnie the Pooh’s honey addiction. He began selling everything he owned and breaking into houses for a just a bit of the sweet stuff. Eventually Rabbit and Christopher Robin staged an intervention where Pooh had to be restrained. My mom was kinda pissed at me for that one.

48. When my sister was two she said the cow says Moo, the dog says bark, the mom says I love you, the dad says I love you, and Terra says… HAHA! (she is one funny kid)

49. I taught my sister to laugh and point when she saw someone fall. You should’ve seen my dad’s face the first time he saw her do it. She was 2…. I was 18.

50. When my sister was three I told her that the Easter tradition was to bury the youngest family member in the dirt so that the Easter bunny could dig them up Sunday morning and they would rise just like Jesus Christ. Since we didn’t have a backyard she would have to be buried in the nearby park and so I then began teaching her our address so that she could tell the Easter Bunny where she lived. By then she knew me very well and just laughed saying, “Terra you’re never serious”.

51. I once told a date that I had a fear of trains because I fell off one when I was little. I was joking but he believed me and when he found out the truth later he accused me of being a liar. I accused him of stupidity and no sense of humor. A crime punishable by death.

52. I hate crying.

53. If you make me cry I will probably stab you to get even.

54. At one of my college courses ten students banded together to try to convince me to become a lawyer. One of the students was a police officer and said that he would take me to court to convince me. It didn’t work.

55. Three men have told me that I am intimidating in the past month. WTF?

56. I hate wearing make up.

57. I love singing karaoke.

58. I hate belonging to groups. I don’t know why though. This is why I never joined the girl scouts, the drama club, school committees or even the cheerleading squad. Hate organized groups.

59. A group of my male friends call me “the Maneater”… even though I’m not.

60. I have been fired once.

61. I deserved it.

62. I have fired someone else before.

63. She deserved it.

64. One of my favorite movies of all time is “The Jerk”.

65. When I was little I had a cat I named Goliath after going to a bible study group. Apparently I associated with evil Goliath more than good David. My mom should have been really worried about me.

66. I was supremely anti social when I was little and my mom used to MAKE me be friends with kids my age… otherwise I would just hang out with my grandpa helping him work on cars all day.

67. A lot of people say that I look like Salma Hayek.

68. A lot of people need to get their eyesight checked.

69. Coming home from an opera I once went directly to the street races wearing a floor length evening dress and heels and then promptly spanked two mustangs and a falcon. Take that!

70. I’ve given myself alcohol poisoning before. Never drink a bottle of vodka straight.

71. I have never ever sworn at my mother.

72. I come off harder than I actually am.

73. Scary movies scare me and I can’t watch them at night.

74. If you call me crying and I am on a date, at work or out with friends I will drop everything. Absolutely everything and leave without an explanation to rush to your side.

75. If I have two dollars and you have none I will always give you at least half.

76. If you look better than I do in my 80-dollar jacket, or simply don’t have one in the middle of winter, I will give it to you without a second thought or regret.

77. When I was little my favorite song was, “We’re Going Riding on the Freeway of Love in a Pink Cadillac”.

78. I want a twenty-pound cat so I can teach it to play frisbee and freak people out on the beach.

79. My mom forced me to eat asparagus one time and I threw up all over my plate. That was the end of that.

80. I don’t date anymore. I flirt but I don’t date. Not for the last seven months anyway.

81. I like dogs… but I like them better when they go home. Dogs smell. And they drool. I love them in short spurts spaced well apart.

82. I’ve only had one speeding ticket. Also I’ve never been arrested. Surprise surprise.

83. I want to come back in my next life as a snake at the zoo. I plan on being so good that eventually they’ll start taking me to schools. This is where I plan to snap and cause a panicked riot. If you’re around (assuming I die young and come back fairly quickly) you should plan on stealing a TV that day.

84. I have never ever cheated on a boyfriend.

85. I have never been the psycho ex.

86. I have never been drunk on the job, although as soon as I get a job with a union that rule’s going right out the window.

87. I only drink socially. Hard to believe huh?

88. I am actually one of the nicest people you will ever meet. Even harder to believe huh?

89. I used to date one of my best friends. Even I find that weird sometimes. Now he’s like my brother, which makes it even grosser.

90. I am only close with my male cousins… the female cousins annoy me for some reasons.

91. Almost all of the scars I have come from riding my bike when I was young. Not very coordinated.

92. I have a scar from being hit with an ax.

93. I am afraid of spiders… because they are out to get me.

94. I have a theory that men’s penises are eating their brains. Meaning the T-Cells from having testosterone, or whatever, have identified their brain cells as an enemy host. I don’t know what’s wrong with women, but give me some time and I’ll figure it out.

95. I hate every book ever written by Anne Tyler. SHE SUCKS!

96. My favorite author is Dean Koontz.

97. If you are a girl, and you read, don’t die before reading, “Moonlight on the Avenue of Faith”.

98. If you are a boy, and you read, don’t die before reading, “A Million Little Pieces”.

99. If you are a true romantic don’t die before reading, “The Time Traveler’s Wife”.

100. I eat cookie dough raw. It’s my favorite form of cookie, and in contrast to what my mother always swore, it has never caused me to be hospitalized. Although it has caused me to be fat. Can I sue for that?