Dance Puppet Dance

I want to be a book reviewer.

I would be an awesome reviewer… completely professional, distinguished, widely published, authors would beg me for a review.

And then, after 10 or so years of these reviews, out of the clear blue sky I would just TRASH a book. I imagine my review would read something like this:

Upon completion of Diane Simmons Memory Lane only one thought came to mind. This book SUCKED. It was utter and complete garbage! I was so disgusted by the idea that anyone would even publish such self-serving drivel that I threw up in my mouth a little. For the last two days I’ve been using the pages of this book to WIPE MY ASS! Simmons should be ashamed of herself. Did this girl ride the short yellow bus to school? Is Adams Publishing house an equal opportunity publisher? What is this country coming to when we can say, “so little people read any longer that we just publish crap and no one notices”? All I have to say is, go back to your day job, if you’re even qualified for that!

Can you imagine being that author? They’d probably jump off a bridge! The public would be enraged, “oh look that poor author killed herself over Terra T’s review”. That’s right. Bow down before me PUPPETS!

God I wish I had power, I would so use it for evil.