WTF!

augh. Think I'm hyper. Ooh. When I'm hyper I make this wierd chipmunk sound... am at work so I couldn't make it, but it really really wants to come out. HATE being trapped in a cubicle all day. If I stayed late and then dismantled all the cubicle walls I wonder what would happen on Monday. hehehehehe. CHAOS. Crap, now all I can think about is the small toolset in my car. I could get rid of some of this energy with some well timed vandalism, but really. We all know that I'd be laughing on Monday morning and therefore easily identified as the culprit.

Speaking of evil laughter, me and Tracie were at Best Buy the other day and the salesman totally pissed me off. I was looking for the MicroSolutions Roadstor and the idiot pretended to know what I was talking about when he obviously didn't have a clue. Here's the thing with me, don't fuckin pretend like you know what the hell I'm talking about because it will do nothing but infuriate me. So halfway into his bullshit when he tried to sell me a friggin mp3 player instead I walked off. Damn waste of my time. Look, I don't really expect much out of Best Buy salesman anyway, they don't work on commission so where the hell is their motivation. Being a former salesman myself I can confidently say I wouldn't learn jack about any of my products if I wasn't going to get cash out of it or buy it myself. So my gripe isn't so much that he didn't know what I was talking about as it is that he PRETENDED to know and wasted my GODDAMN time. That's ten minutes of my life I'd like back! So I can nap, or scratch my butt or whatever the hell else I feel like doing. I don't care, just as long as it's not listening to someone's BS. So anyway, right afterwards I'm on my cell with Fry's staring around the store and I realize, Hey! I wonder what would happen if I came to Best Buy wearing tan slacks and a blue shirt? I'll bet you hella people would come up to me asking me for help! Then I could pretend to be raging drunk and try to help them buy a computer when they asked me about TV's!

I explained this to Tracie while doing my impersonation of a salesman strung out on crack. As long as we can keep a straight face this sounds like an awesome way to waste a perfectly good saturday. Then, while telling her how fun it is to tell salesman that you are drunk while test driving brand new cars she drops this one on me. Did you know that it is legal to carry a shotgun in PUBLIC as long as it's not loaded? You don't have to have a permit to carry or nothing!

So she says, let's go pick up a shotgun and go to the mall!

Ok, now I know I'm crazy but I'm not that crazy!

So she points out, who cares the worst that they can do is ask us to leave, cuz it's not illegal!

Meanwhile in my head I'm imagining us wandering around Target pointing to displays with the shotgun while someone quietly calls the police. Do you really think that they're going to believe us when we say, "oh hey! Don't worry! It's not loaded"?

Yeah right.

This is one practical joke that I REALLY don't feel like doing. I mean, c'mon. Car surfing on top of the U-Haul truck is one thing, this is something completely different.

Does anyone know if it's illegal to impersonate a Best Buy employee?

At any rate, you know how they say that video games are a bad influence on children? It's TRUE! Every single time I play Grand Theft Auto I feel like smashing into all the cars around me because they actually stopped at a red fucking light. GO MOTHERFUCKERS!

Augh.

And TODAY, I'm going around a corner and I'm like hey, I know what would be fun. I'll downshift, slam down on the gas and corner just hard enough to fishtail. It'll be cool. It'll be fun. BUT NO! There's a damn car in front of me and it was going too slow for me to build up enough momentum. Grrr.

I always drove like this. It's one of the reasons that I used to drag race. I don't blame the creators of Grand Theft Auto for that at all. No, what I blame them for is the fact that if I had had a gun I would've dragged that lady out of that car, pistol whipped her, took all her money, drove her car into a light pole, and then jogged back to my own car and completed my journey to work.

I work at a bank. I'm a glorified secretary to two VP's here.

I have a lot of pent up aggression, and dammit, I'm sick and tired of being so darn PC all day! I have to go to my car. I have to get my screw driver.

I have to get a hobby. Preferably something that doesn't end with a sentencing trial.