Idea Stolen From Michelle

Dear Two Faced Officemate,

Newsflash, when your door is closed my ability to still hear you correlates directly with how loudly your voice is raised. Translation: When you were yelling about me today I could hear every damn word you said. In regards to your complaints, I am sorry that I didn't reprioritize my day yesterday to do a fifteen minute task for you that you could've done yourself. Perhaps if you had informed me that you felt this particular task required that much attention I could've put it in front of the ten tasks that were ahead of it, or perhaps I could've just worked twelve hours yesterday until I had everything done. My apologies for having a life. In the future I will skip school to complete your stupid menial assignments. How this required a two hour convo with our colleague in southern california, I'm not quite sure. What I am sure of is that perhaps you should stop playing christian music in your office and replace it with whatever back stabbing officemates listen to.

As to your assumption that I lied about my two family emergencies last week? Well, I wish I had. I wish I had been out playing at the beach or sleeping, instead I spent the majority of my time answering calls where the dialer was crying and gulping down tagamet in droves when I wasn't on the phone with kaiser making sure my appendix hadn't burst. Translation: mind your own business. In the future I will do my utmost to become psychic considering that you seem to have an aversion to giving me feedback directly and instead prefer to deliver it to me third party where I can overhear you through your office walls. I especially appreciate this method since I am sure that the two VP's on either side of you (one of which is my boss) can hear every word. With my new psychic abilities I will be able to anticipate your every mood swing and perhaps save you the time and expense of hours spent on the phone long distance, all on the company dime thank you very much. Again my sincerest apologies.

Signed,

The Officemate holding the very sharp scissors