I Don't Celebrate Valentines Day

Not for the past three years anyway. It's a stupid commercialized holiday anyway, and the truth of the matter is that I don't like any dates/events that have a lot of pressure on them.

The best date I have ever had was on a kick back day where we drove to the beach, played on the sand and stopped for an impromptu meal that cost a total of ten dollars. We wore jeans, sweatshirts, I made fun of my date for wearing sneakers to the beach, he threatened to throw my flip flops in the ocean and I watched kite boarders with a sense of amazement.

Too much planning and anticipation makes me nervous. On the same note the best gift I ever recieved from a guy was a case of bottled water. He noticed that I drank a lot of water and while at the store he thought of me. It probably cost five dollars but a gift like that screams thoughtful without any alterior motives. It's the kind of gift that I can accept without feeling bad about the sticker price or gushing my thank you. I'm not good at gushing.

So the funny thing is that this was probably the VERY best Valentines I have EVER had! It was really fab.

R called me to wish me a happy VDay. I thought I would throw up though when he said, "I hope all your wishes and dreams come true today". Gag. J texted me saying, "Happy VDay! I luv you! Even though ur ugly!". He's a jerk. And I had dinner with a gaggle of girls, Tracie, Dolores, Mom, A and M. M got the bus boys number. T gave her number to the waiter. I gave T her v gift. It was long, red, plastic, battery operated and vibrates. It was... (drumroll please)

A

TOOTHBRUSH!

Everyone laughed. Then in the middle of laughing I turned to T and say, "Hey, let's go to the porn store! We'll buy ourselves bf's!"

We were cracking up. D couldn't go because she had to take A, M and Mom home. Oh well. And so it was off to the porn store for T and I (not to be confused with T and A). YAY! We were laughing so hard in there we thought they would kick us out for sure, but they didn't. T dared me to buy something and then ask if they had a back room I could use, I said "No. I'm a lady, thank you very much".

Afterwards we headed down to the lounge where Andy wished me a happy VDay, carried my purse for me and handed me the keys to his new car because apparently I am hot like that. His car drives nice.

Andy is hilarious and long after the lounge closed down we were in the parking lot while he did the kings of comedy act for us. He has it down verbatim and is hands down the funniest person I have ever met. I thought he was going to make me pee my pants.

J was at the lounge too, but basically he was pissing and moaning about his gf. What a downer. GO HOME LOSER! Andy asked him his name and when J told him Andy said, "That's cool, as long as I don't have to call you Delicious. I'm a grown ass man, I won't be calling no man, Delicious".

Everyone should know someone like Andy. Or at least Margaret Cho. They might be interchangeable.

Happy Valentines Day.